


Three Things

by lastweekon



Category: Ghost Adventures (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Secrets, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-19 11:06:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8203456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lastweekon/pseuds/lastweekon
Summary: Zak knows Nick loves him, but sometimes he can't help but wonder why.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This one is a little different. I found a writing prompt that I couldn't stop thinking about. So this is based on that. It's super angsty and emotional.
> 
> The prompt is: Write about the three things he could never tell him.

Zak stood quietly drinking his beer as he watched Nick across the room. The younger man’s face lit up excitedly as he laughed and joked with their friends. Zak smiled to himself, more than happy to stare at that face all day. Nick’s smile was his favorite thing in the world. The way it crinkled at the corners of his eyes. How his pupils dilated, sending sunshine radiating over Zak’s skin. Even after all this time, he still felt lucky any time he was on the receiving end of one of Nick’s smiles. Most days, he woke up feeling like he’d won the lottery. He had Nick. He had everything.   
Zak watched closely as Nick’s eyes began to scan the room. Zak had excused himself a few minutes earlier and had been grazing at the snack table ever since, quietly observing the man he loved. Nick’s gaze landed on him, smile spreading across his face as their eyes met. Zak smiled back feeling the fuzzy warmth that accompanied looks like that from Nick.   
Nick cocked his head to the side, clearly curious why Zak was all the way across the room and not glued to his hip like he usually was. Zak smiled back reassuringly, grabbing another handful of pretzels from the table. The younger man excused himself, making his way toward Zak.   
“Hey.” Nick said, smiling at Zak adoringly. “You good?”  
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Zak nodded, paying special attention to his pretzels.   
“What are you doing all the way over here?” The younger man asked, stepping in closer to place his hands on Zak’s hips.   
“Sensory overload...Sorry.” Zak said dismissively. This happened to him a lot at parties, between the music and the constant hum of conversation, he always found himself slipping away at one point or another.   
“You wanna go?” Nick asked, hands moving to rub up and down the length of Zak’s arms.   
“Nah…I’m good.” Zak said. “I just needed a second.”  
“Am I interrupting your solitude?” Nick smirked.   
“Yes.” Zak grinned, wrapping his arms around the younger man’s waist. “But I don’t mind.”  
Nick leaned in, kissing Zak softly before pressing their foreheads together.   
“Let’s go home.”  
“No, you’re having a good time.” Zak protested. “And I was having a good time watching you.”  
“Is that right?” Nick asked, eyebrow cocked.   
“Yeah.” Zak smiled. “Besides, I haven’t had my fill of pretzels yet.”  
“I’ll buy you your own bag on the way home.” Nick offered.   
“No, let’s stay.” Zak urged. “I know you want to. And I’m fine, I promise.”  
“Okay.” Nick agreed. “If you’re sure.”  
“I am.” Zak said. “Now, come on. Let’s go rejoin the group.”   
Zak laced his fingers with Nick’s, pulling him back toward their friends. Nick leaned in, pressing a quick kiss to Zak’s temple as he followed. Zak smiled, wondering to himself for the thousandth time how he’d gotten so lucky. He had no idea what Nick saw in him. Nick was this perfect, outgoing and charismatic ray of light. He was the kind of person you looked forward to being around. He was playful and energetic and willing to try anything. Zak could barely handle a couple hours at a party. In a lot of ways, they couldn’t be more different. But somehow, Nick loved him. And no matter how many times he said it, Zak still didn’t understand why. But he didn’t dare question it and draw attention to it. Nick could have anyone he wanted and for some reason, he had chosen Zak. And Zak was going to do his damnedest to hold onto Nick for as long as he could. 

Nick pulled Zak in to lay against his chest and the older man burrowed happily into the warm skin. He smiled as he felt lips against the top of his head.   
“That party was fun.” Zak said, fingers tracing the wispy line of hair along Nick’s abdomen.   
“Yeah, it was.” Nick agreed. “But I think I like this better.”  
“Yeah, right.” Zak chuckled. “You’re like a kid in a candy store at parties. Bouncing around and talking to everyone.”  
He felt Nick chuckle softly as his hands moved over Zak’s back.   
“Parties are great.” Nick agreed. “But this is my happy place, here with you.”   
“I’m sure it’d be easier if I wasn’t so anti-social at parties.” Zak said. “Then you could have both.”  
“I don’t need both. I just need you.” Nick said sincerely.   
Zak smiled to himself. He _believed_ Nick loved him. He showed him every day that he did. And he loved Nick. He loved him so much that he could feel it like an aching in his chest. And he wanted to believe the younger man when he said that this was forever. That he could never want anyone else. But Zak was too happy. He was so happy that it terrified him. Joy like this was fleeting. It wasn’t meant to last. And he knew that it couldn’t. One way or another he’d lose Nick.   
“I need you too.” Zak said quietly, feeling sadness twist at his stomach.  
“You’ve got me, babe.” Nick said, rubbing his hand up and down Zak’s back.   
“Yeah, but I need you forever.” Zak said.  
“Well, I can’t _promise_ immortality. But I’ll do my best.” Nick joked.  
“Good.” Zak said with a smile.   
“And I’ll expect the same from you.” Nick said, seriously. “That means no more crazy stunts. No more jumping downed power lines. No more going into old, asbestos-filled buildings without a mask. No more anything that puts you in danger. You hear me?”  
“Yeah.” Zak said, smiling against Nick’s skin.   
“That didn’t sound very convincing…”   
“Okay.” Zak chuckled.   
“Okay, what?” Nick challenged.   
“Okay, I’ll be more careful.” Zak agreed. “But only if you promise not to leave me for someone who’s more fun at parties.”   
“Deal.” Nick grinned, unaware that Zak was only half-kidding.   
But he didn’t bother explaining. He knew what Nick would say. He’d hug Zak close and tell him that he loved him more than anything. But he didn’t understand what Zak went through every day. How it always felt as if he was on the verge of losing Nick. That if he made one wrong move, he’d lose everything. Anytime Nick was grumpy, or they got into an argument, Zak was sure that that would be it. The moment he’d been dreading. The moment when Nick would finally see him and realize that he wasn’t what he wanted. Just thinking about it felt like a crushing weight on his heart.   
Nick yawned, scooting down the bed so that his forehead pressed against Zak’s. His arm wrapped around Zak’s waist, pulling their bodies close together.   
“I love you so much.” Nick said, bringing a hand to touch Zak’s cheek.   
Zak smiled softly, wondering if Nick could read his mind.   
“You have no idea.” he said, bringing his lips to Nick’s before burrowing his head into the younger man’s neck.

Zak lay awake feeling Nick’s breath steady against his skin. The younger man slept deeply, arm curled around Zak. But Zak couldn’t get his brain to wind down. This always happened on days that he’d spent too long worrying about his relationship with Nick. The stress was more manageable when Nick was awake and he could try to lose himself in the younger man’s smiles. But when he fell asleep, Zak couldn’t help the way his mind wandered into darkness.   
He felt his heart like a lump in his throat as he imagined all the possible ways he might lose Nick. The options seemed endless and equally painful, with the exception of one. But he didn’t like to think about that option. It felt strange to _hope_ that Nick would fall out of love with him. No part of him really wanted that. He couldn’t stand the thought of waking up every morning, only to be reminded that Nick wasn’t there. His heart ached at the thought of feeling the pain roll over him again and again; Wandering through each day, heartbroken and numb. But if losing Nick was inevitable, he would try to live with it. As long as Nick was safe and happy, he could try his best take life one breath at a time.   
But there was another way he might lose Nick. One that hurt so much to think about that Zak knew he’d never survive it. He didn’t let his mind wander this far very often. But tonight was different. Tonight, he let the pain of it wash over him. His eyes stung as tears prickled, slowly rolling down his cheeks. He knew for certain that as much as it would hurt to lose Nick to someone else, he’d take that outcome a thousand times over losing him forever. A world where Nick didn’t exist was unthinkable and Zak knew he wouldn’t survive it for even an hour. If Nick left this earth, Zak would be right behind him.   
Nick would be furious with him if he knew. But he didn’t care. It wasn’t going to change anything. He’d take the plunge just the same, and he would search for Nick forever if he had to. It was the only option. Zak’s breath shuddered through him as he tried to calm his shaking body. It didn’t do him any good to let his mind wander like this. He knew very well there was nothing he could do. Whatever was destined to happen would happen and Zak would just have to go along for the ride. But that didn’t stop him from sending out a silent prayer. _Please. Please don’t let anything happen to him._   
He tucked in closer to Nick as he choked back quiet sobs. He knew he should get up and go to the other room, just until he could calm down, but he didn’t want to leave the safety of Nick’s arms. Not as long as they were still his to have. He closed his eyes, forcing himself to take deep breaths and try to relax.   
“Zak?” Nick said, voice groggy.   
Zak felt the bed dip as Nick sat up on his elbow.   
“Babe? You okay?” he asked, running a hand over Zak’s arm.   
“Yeah, sorry. I’m fine.” Zak said, wiping at his eyes.   
“What’s going on?” Nick asked, worry creeping into his voice.   
“Just a bad dream.” Zak lied.   
He didn’t have it in him to have this conversation. Not when he could already hear Nick’s response. He didn’t question how genuinely Nick loved him. And if he tried to explain, all Nick would hear is that he wasn’t doing a good enough job of loving Zak. And that was so, incredibly far from the truth. It was easier to lie. To pass it off as another nightmare and try to find a way to sleep.   
“Do you wanna talk about it?” Nick asked.  
Zak just shook his head, unsure of what to even say.  
“You sure? It might make you feel better.” Nick coaxed.   
“Yeah, I’m sure.” Zak said. “Thanks though. Go back to sleep, babe. Sorry I woke you up.”  
“You don’t have to be sorry.” Nick said, pressing a kiss into Zak’s temple. “That’s what I’m here for.”   
Zak pulled Nick in, wrapping around the younger man and resting his head on Nick’s chest.   
“You gonna be able to fall asleep?” Nick asked, rubbing a line up and down Zak’s back.   
“I think so.” Zak said. But honestly, he wasn’t sure. He wiped his eyes again, hoping Nick wouldn’t notice the tears still streaming down his cheeks.  
“Would you rather get stuck in traffic, or have a really slow internet connection?” Nick asked.   
“What?” Zak asked, puzzled.   
“Would you rather get stuck in traffic-”  
“No, I heard you.” Zak said, still confused.   
“Well, then answer the question.” Nick said.   
Zak could hear the smile in his voice. He lifted his head to give Nick a quizzical look.  
“Haven’t you ever played would you rather?” Nick asked with a grin.   
“Not since I was like ten.” Zak said, feeling his face pull into a smile.   
“My grandma used to play it with me when I couldn’t fall asleep.” Nick said, hand running along Zak’s back.   
Zak felt warmth radiate through his chest as Nick looked at him adoringly. He leaned in, pressing his lips to Nick’s. The younger man kissed back lazily as his thumb ran over Zak’s cheek. Zak broke the kiss, pulling back to look into Nick’s eyes. He wanted to memorize the way they glowed, chocolate brown and beautiful whenever he looked at Zak. Whatever the future held, he had this moment here with Nick. And it was perfect.   
“Well, come on. Answer the question.” Nick grinned.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys liked this! I know it's a little different than my normal stuff. I'm trying to mix it up.


End file.
